Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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