so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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