I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
