imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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