Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
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after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
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I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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