i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
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