I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The feeling are messing with the penis
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
