So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
