I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Someone signed my nipple.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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