i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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