That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
