if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Your cock deserves a montage
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
