So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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