as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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