Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
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New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
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