I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
