I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
