True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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