I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
