Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
