how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
