very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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