There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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