Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Non-Jews are for practice
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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