Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
