your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
