peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
