im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize