Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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