Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
