Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
