i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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