I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
