Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
