Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
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