Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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