would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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