god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
