right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
