Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
