I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
All the doctor said was why
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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