Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
there is glitter all over my balls
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