I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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