my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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