im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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