My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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