Will you blow on my dice?
It's Friday. Sex?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
