i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
