Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
