i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
