I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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