I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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