Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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