im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
