thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I could fuck to npr.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize