is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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