Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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