Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Go christen that room with your naked body.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
