In the future we'll all be gay
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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