I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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