let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
